DAMMIT!

Who keeps stealing my ideas?!?

Righteous indignation... or was that just gas?

Well, who knew that you could get COMPLETELY addicted to Jackie Collins novels? They're so deliciously... bad, and there are so many of them. I LOVE THEM. Anyway, I may have gotten off track with the whole "taking over the world" thing recently, but I'm back on it now!! I've concocted a brilliant scheme!!

I plan to use my superior mental abilities to influence both presidential candidates. By exerting my powers over them, I will subtly influence their messages so the world will think them buffoons!! Now, let me think... what to make them say.....hmmmm... AHA! I will make one of them appear to be on both sides of each and every issue! Who would vote for such an obvious sycophant and shill to public whimsy!! Now for the second candidate.... uhuh... perhaps... nono too complicated... ahhhhh, EUREKA! I will make them appear so dumb, so stupendously stupid, no-one will think them capable of spelling president, never mind being one! It CAN'T fail.

Just think, me, president of the USA, and de-facto most powerful person in the world. My minions will be countless. The pope will bow to me, maybe I'll use him as an ottoman. Lets see, Ill have to re-animate a cabinet: Vlad, Ivan, Adolph, Torquemada, Pol Pot, Joseph, and that cut-up Eichmann! Hmm, I guess Ill have to throw Osama a bone, Secretary of Education I think.

Oh! what fun we'll have! Now all I need are 70 virgins, two rolls of Reynolds Wrap (100ft length please), a Lego Millennium Falcon, and three large Banana slugs...